Why a podcast?
After the first episode, I got a suggestion to do an episode talking about my reasons for doing a podcast. At first I was reluctant because I do not like talking about myself but I now realize that it is necessary. I have fallen in love with specific authors an podcasters because they talk about themselves honestly. When you hear a true story you can not help but see yourself in a new way. We all have an innate ability to sense bullshit and when stories are not real we can smell it from a mile away.
In this episode I talk about the last 2 years of my life after going to therapy for the first time. I was forced to see parts of myself that I had neglected. At the time it was difficult for me to realize that I was actively making my life worse by being negligent. The majority of the last 2 years have been spent doing mental surgery. I have been experimenting with new ways of being and questioning everything I feel is normal. Why do I sleep for 8 hours? Why do I eat a particular diet? Why do I feel like I missed out when I prioritize my self care?
Mental health is one aspect of life that is just as important as physical health. I have found that my ability to feel good about my life is directly related to my mental state. Over the last 2 years my life has been more difficult but I feel good about it. I see the challenges as good obstacles to overcome and not as a reason to hide and wallow. To be honest I get it right 70% of the time and for the other 30% I have to remind myself that everything in life happens in a cycle. It is very easy on bad days to forget the progress you have made and even try to make your situation worse by reverting to old habits.
Short and sweet, I decided on a podcast because making art and speaking are the only things that have truly excited me. I have tried and failed many things and for now these are the only things I want to work on. As far as art goes, I am making pieces and they will be put up on this page when they are ready. As far as the podcast goes, well that is why you are here.
Untitled (Excerpt from a longer story)
There is a tear nestled in the corner of my eye. Up until this moment I did not know that the little pink space could hold water. It filled and filled as I felt heat move through my cheeks. The tear sat nestled in the corner of my eye but refused to trickle down.
As I stood hunched over cardboard with a marker in hand, I was overcome with emotion. The simple strokes became heavier and eventually I was in a trance. The story was revealing itself to me and I was powerless. I have been slowly making a pact with with my creative guardian and my hand. For years I fought back but with every failure I was reminded that I had orphaned the important parts of me. As this story started to reveal itself, I saw the image of the end. My hand fervently marked away and the more I let go, the higher the resolution became on this image. The weight of what it meant brought tears to my eyes but they refused to fall. When they finally did, they landed all over the cardboard. Of course it will dry but the emotion locked in that paper will never come again. At least not in this form.
Four of my favorite people who have made me realize these lessons are: Jordan Peterson, Brene Brown, Elliot Hulse and Lisa Nichols. The videos are long but if you get a chance to watch them I guarantee they will start a shift in you.
Feel free to leave a comment if you resonate with any part of this and let’s talk about it.
Thanks for reading and until next time,
Continue being awesome